Why Boundaries and Limits are Lifesavers During the Toddler Years
As I reminisce about the early years when my now grown-up children were little, I can’t help but recall the challenges I encountered in setting boundaries and limits for them. My tendency to please others, combined with a childhood where boundaries were frequently disregarded, made it difficult, to say the least. With two little ones just 19 months apart, it was constant chaos. Add to that a little boy who had zero regard for his safety and climbed on everything he could (the higher, the better!) so he could jump and crash. Can you say unmet sensory needs? (I have a blog post on that topic!). My daughter on the other hand, loved to bonk her brother on the head with whatever was handy when the mood struck (toilet bowl brush, play guitar, you name it). At any rate, one thing became abundantly clear: I desperately needed to establish boundaries and limits both for my sanity and my kiddo’s well being and safety.
Safety First!
As I mentioned, my son loved climbing and jumping off high things and it always seemed to happen when I was just a tiny bit too far away to catch him. I’ll never forget the day we met our friend’s at a playground and my son thought it would be a good idea to jump off the top of the playground platform (like 6 feet off the ground). It felt like I was running in slow-mo (but really I was sprinting) and of course, he landed. Hard. So hard that he bit a hole through the middle of his tongue. He also had a knack for running out into traffic the moment I looked away for a nanosecond. My options became clear: never leave the house with my kids ever again or put some clear, firm, consistent boundaries and expectations in place. With a lot of dedication, repetition and consistency, I was able to gradually set those limits that my kids (particularly my son) desperately needed. I could breathe a little easier knowing that my toddlers had some guardrails to keep them from diving headfirst into danger.
Building Trust and Security
Looking back, setting those limits felt like wrapping my toddlers up in a cozy blanket – like a big, comforting hug that said, “I’ve got you.” It created a safe, predictable environment where my little ones could thrive. Toddlers innately crave having limits set for them; it gives them a sense of security and structure in a world that can feel overwhelming. Without those boundaries, they’re like tiny explorers without a map, and they’ll often act out in frustration or confusion. Even when boundaries are in place, toddlers will randomly test them, pushing against the limits to see if they’re still there. But knowing those limits are still firmly in place will give them an extra sense of safety and security.
Learning Responsibility and Self-Control
Setting boundaries was a game-changer in helping my toddlers learn personal responsibility. Establishing boundaries helped guide my toddlers towards understanding responsibility in a way that was far from mundane or didactic. Instead, it was a hands-on learning experience for them (and me!). By delineating clear boundaries, I gave my little ones the autonomy to maneuver within defined parameters, instilling within them a profound sense of ownership over their choices and their subsequent outcomes. This approach not only imparted invaluable life skills but also cultivated their capacity for critical thinking and problem-solving from an early age. As they matured, they carried these invaluable lessons forward, armed with the confidence and resilience requisite for navigating the complexities of adulthood.
Encouraging Independence and Autonomy:
As much as I sometimes wished I could keep my little one in my protective bubble forever, I knew they would eventually have to go out into the world with their mama by their side. So instead, I focused on fostering their independence within the boundaries I created for them. It was a delicate dance, striking a balance between guidance and freedom, allowing them to explore and learn within the safety of defined limits. This approach empowered my toddlers to navigate their surroundings with a burgeoning sense of autonomy, bolstered by the security of knowing their boundaries. Through this nurturing environment, they not only acquired vital life skills but also fostered a resilient self-assurance that would stay with them on their journey through childhood and into adulthood.
Cultivating Respect and Empathy:
Back then, respect was a big word for such a tiny human. But by setting boundaries and respecting their boundaries in return, I was teaching my toddlers about the importance of mutual respect. However, one thing that kept getting in the way was my. now ex-husband’s disrespectful behavior towards me. Despite my efforts to maintain a respectful and nurturing environment, his behavior often disrupted the harmony I worked so hard to cultivate. It was a challenge, to say the least, navigating the delicate balance of teaching respect while confronting disrespect within the confines of our family dynamic. Yet, amidst the turmoil, I remained steadfast in my commitment to modeling healthy boundaries and mutual respect for my children, hoping that they would carry these invaluable lessons forward into their own relationships and interactions.
Nurturing Emotional Regulation:
Ah, emotions – they were like a tornado tearing through our household some days. But boundaries were a game-changer in helping my kids learn to navigate those big feelings. With clear guidelines and plenty of modeling (on my part, at least) in place, my little ones began to grasp the rhythm of their emotions, learning to express themselves in constructive ways. With plenty of support that included modeling, continued discussions and reading age-appropriate books on emotions and feelings, and pretend and imaginative play, I feel my littles were able to gain valuable insights into empathy, self-regulation, and the importance of maintaining healthy boundaries for emotional well-being.
Reflecting on my journey through toddlerhood with my now grown children, I’m struck by how crucial boundaries were for just their safety but their overall development. Establishing clear limits with my toddlers provided a sense of security and structure, enabling them to navigate the world with confidence while fostering responsibility and empathy. Despite the challenges, maintaining firm boundaries proved essential in nurturing their growth and emotional well-being. When they went through those turbulent teenage years, I’m quite certain that those boundaries and limits they learned early on helped them make some good choices along the way. Although, they love to do “confessions of the teenage years” with me where they horrify me with all the bad things they did during those years!
